Am I losing myself or finding myself?

I haven’t written in an extremely long time but I am here now. Though there are no pictures to go with this blog, there is a soul. A soul that is soaring through life. Life has definitely not stopped or slowed any since my adventure overseas last summer and it honestly seems like it is has been forever since I was away. I seem so far away from where I was last summer, which it has been a year so that is expected I suppose. But there are still those bittersweet moments of memories of the calmness within my soul and the complete freedom I lived daily for almost three months, which is more then I can say for many people. Now, having three jobs and other obligations to tend to in life I can’t remember the last time I felt the calmness and that freedom is something that I fight to hold tight to daily.
And then wondering “How in the world did I end up working three dead-end jobs and not even a glimpse of what I am passionate about is happening in my life!?” The question I can’t stop asking myself is “Am I losing myself?” Am I losing that person with a heart for serving my God? Am I forgetting what worship meant to me? What happened to my missionary heart and how does sending money each month to a child ever excuse me from getting my hands dirty? Am I soaring through life so fast that I am losing myself in it? ………………Yes
I am not soaring through life, I am speeding! It is time to accept my ticket, pay the fine and freely fly. This is a new beginning of me. No more hiding myself in others, I know this is going to be a fight and long road is ahead of me. But I am saying it publicly that I am not giving up on me! I will find myself again and I will Sour higher then ever! Keep me accountable to becoming the women that God has created me to be, not the one that fits the mold of this world. I want to be me again ☺